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Ashli 34, Female, California, USA - 24 entries

Dec 2006
9:05 AM EDT

i have no clue what i did wrong but i have been diowned by my father...my sister told him that i am bisexual and that i haave a girlfriend and he called me horrible things and yelled at me and called me disgusting and he wanted my girfriends number so that he could talk to her and her parents who also dont know that she is bisexual...i refused to give it to him and he slapped me and he pulled me off my bed told me to grab my stuff and walk to my moms house...im confused and scared but now i live with my mom who understands me and cares about me...

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2 comment(s) - 04:18 PM - 01/12/2007

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uns3ttl3d 38, Female, New York, USA - 57 entries

Dec 2006
7:46 AM EDT

Physiognomy. In constant doubt of myself i peer into every reflective surface that i encounter. I think to myself, why am I so vain? Vanity? Is that it? Am i just some superficial shallow person like those many i know and scorn at? I think to myself no. I am just insecure. I look into every flaw, or every difference about myself, in a disgusted and pensive manner. My face has the worn look of a 30 year old male. But i am edging toward the last of my teenage years. I am a young woman. Why do i see myself this way? Every part of who i am seems tossed and scattered and it reflects into my phhysical surface...lips once pouting about in protest to the world and people around me now are sagging and pursed in resentment and resignation to my long but technically short life. Eyes once innocent and girlish now carry on the look of scorn and curiosity. Hair once long and flowing is now limp and scraggly around my chubby face, like a lion's mane, like that of a once strong and brave such animal now dying of an undeterminable cause. I am weak. I am sick. I feel dead on the inside and out. I constantly look for meaning and truth in things but it always reverts back to insecutiry and uncertainty about everything in life. I cannot jump to conclusions, there is nothing to conclude. My mind is always racing. Thoughts of my brother surge through my mind and i wonder and wonder why?why why why and how and what and is there really a purpose to life and is this world really as bad as it may seem to the cynical eyes that are screwed insecurrely to my amorpheus self? I do not knoe. Nothing is certain. Nothing is fully true. Everything changes whether you realize it or not. If there is one thing my life lacks it is security and stabilty and steadfastness. I seem to pay attention to things no one else would even bother about. Does this make me strange? Does this make me weird? Do i se retly wish i was "normal" like the rest of the world? Should i succumb to the vanityall around me and finally embrace the fact that i am a shitty worthless elfish person undeserving of mercy and forgiveness for the fact that i can't appreciate anything or show mercy myself? Why do i have to be so spoiled? Why do i have to lack appreciation for things my family members go out of tthey're way to do? Why am i such a bigot? Why can't i just be kind to others aso they in turn would be kind towards me? I wish i could love myself because i can't love those around me unlesss im pokay with myself which in this case i am really really not. It's a nice day today. But icontracted chicken pox in taiwan in spite of the vaccination i got a number of years ago and i feel sick and nauseous and fatigued all over. My sleeping patterns are messed up. I am depressed and anxious and sick and there is just a constant feeling if uncomrtableness that clouds over every part of me all the time. Is this the way of my life? Its constantly growing on me and worsening. I wish there was something i could do to intervene or counter act it but i dont care enough for myself andi am too weak to fight. I am too weak to fight and it is a shame. It is a shame that i lack the willand power to better myself. I really wish i could.

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buttercup68 57, Female, Canada - 15 entries

Dec 2006
4:25 AM MST

Time is fleeting ! So much to do but so little time. And if I might add, a heck of a lot of constraints. With New Year approaching, I get to think of things I would like to do in my lifetime. Most of those on the list are not feasible as I work full time. Drat the life of a working mother ! And if I wait for retirement, that's like eons from now ... so how ?? That is the million dollar question I will have to address as I sit and stew on my couch. I need to think of a plan to get me out of my 8 to 5 life and have more flexibility and time (while earn enough money to pay my bills ?) Sounds not possible. There has to be a way. *** good thing about journalizing is I get to talk to myself *** So back on the drawing board, so to speak. After all, it's my life I am planning about.

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bouchem 46, Female, California, USA - 2 entries

Dec 2006
6:54 PM EDT

all right finally im home yes..i been at work since 7 am and i rushed home just to jump online check to see if i have an mail on my space and nothing...so i guess ill shower go to bed and do it all over again tomorrow..i had an ok day at work it went by fast i guess thats good tomorrow is going to be a long day im working 12pm intill 9pm plus its going to be my first time closing by my self i dont know if i can do it i hope it goes smooth

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emeimei 45, Female, Malaysia - First entry!

Dec 2006
11:41 AM A

The Wait is Over for Malaysian Onliner We all heard about the ever popular MySpace success story, also successful were, Facebook, Xanga, Yahoo360, BlackPlanet, Bebo, Classmates, Youtube and many more. Each catering for their niche segment, thus making all content, people, clubs becoming more relevant... and thats when where the exponential formula starts boosting. When users goes online, majority of them are looking to meet new friends. They achieve this by participating in clubs, blogs, chat, photos...etc. In general people want to be known and be recognised and it become so much more meaningful when you know your audience i from the same local or origin as you. With this clear indication, we now start to see some prominent and reasonable social networking in Malaysia mushrooming. Am particularly fond with these particular sites like www.friendx.com for english educated, www.emeimei.com for chinese educated and www.ekawan.com for malay educated Malaysian. Thus is a testimony to the importants of relevant and targetted social networking, and their success speaks for themselves. Will share more on my next posting, if you think you know a better Malaysian local communities... do share with us. Also if you are an existing users of the above social network, we would like to know your feedback and comment ;) drop us a line. Till then Cheers

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Angela Wang 47, Female, China - 73 entries

Dec 2006
6:28 PM EDT

In recent days, I have been busy with my essays. I guess I will not be free until the end of this semester. On one hand, I wish the earth would whirl slowly,on the other hand, I wish time would run faster than before, for I am looking forward to visiting my parents in my hometown.

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lovesu123 32, Female, Georgia, USA - 3 entries

Dec 2006
6:15 PM EDT

hey today was a good day my dad was sweet but still he did something so bad that i cant firgive him i know god wants people to forgive but i cant.my mom said i should love him unconditionaly but i cant he has done 2 many bad things!omg!!!!!!!!!please help me

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2 comment(s) - 08:50 PM - 12/29/2006

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Angela Wang 47, Female, China - 73 entries

Dec 2006
6:13 PM EDT

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KaityGirl214 33, Female, New York, USA - 30 entries

Dec 2006
6:10 AM EDT

Yesterday was so full. I went to my Grandma's ( not the one that lives with me), went to my dad's, AND I went to hang with my entire family....And I ended up staying over. shhhhh......... I'm still sleeping!

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itsjustme 46, Female, Texas, USA - 37 entries

Dec 2006
3:56 AM CST

Well I hope everyone had a good holiday. The new year is just around the corner. I wonder what will be in store for me this year? Last week went just fine, even though there were a few minor setbacks. I'm glad it's over, and I can put it behind me. I knew in my heart everything would work out. I just couldn't get that nervousness to shake. Oh, well. Christmas was good. I didn't do anything to exciting, just went to my mom's house. But, I did get good presents this year, and I think I did well on the giving side too. I'm still not sure what I plan to do for new years. My friend invited me to a party, but I'm not sure if I want to go. Well, I just hope everyone has a good new year! Bye

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